If I’m completely honest, as I’m writing this, I feel that lump in my throat, and I fight back tears brought on by a melting pot of emotions. I am happy. I am sad. I am nervous. I am scared. I am ready. I am unprepared. I’m basically the definition of a juxtaposition mess, ha!
But I am just that. I’m a little bit of a mess.
Going back to work after my Oliver turned one has always been the “plan”. It’s been the plan my husband and I discussed while taking a walk on a chilly spring evening 2.5 years ago. I was 9 months pregnant, we were going to become parents in a few days, and we decided that I would stay at home with the children for a few years. My husband knew it was important to me, and we made it happen.
It has been amazing. No! It’s been life changing. I fell in love with motherhood, with my children, and I found so much of myself in my new identity as a mother. I grew and learned with my children, and I am beyond grateful for that time. And though I knew I would go back to work eventually, like we had planned, I am still fighting that lump in my throat, because I’m sad.
With little preparation, and with shorter notice that I expected, an opportunity came up for me to return to work, and as I write this, I officially begin my countdown from being a stay-at-home Mom to being a working Mother. My countdown doesn’t begin with double digits. Seven days. In SEVEN days, I return to work full time.
It’s a weird concept to think about, and I’m sad for the era that is ending.
I am also happy, so happy and grateful for the past 2.5 years. I have been able to watch my little babies grow up. I’ve watched them grow in love with each other, with me, with my husband. We’ve had lazy mornings, and breakfast for lunch. We’ve gone for walks at random times of the days, watched movies before nap time. We’ve had pool parties in the backyard, and thought very little about time, because well, we had time… a lot of it.
Time, definitely worth more than gold. With limited time now, we will just have to be more intentional with how we spend it, and though I know my little family will find a new harmony soon, I already miss the time I won’t have with them.
Motherhood. Just when you think you’ve found a groove and it’s all figured out, something changes and you have to adjust and find that new harmony to make it all work again. If you’re a mother who has gone back to work after “x” amount of time at home, I’m sure you can relate. In fact, knowing you and thousands of women have gone through the same, gives me strength. It makes me admire women and mothers more and more.
And so this new era begins, and though I still feel that lump in my throat, I am more excited and hopeful for what this new season in life brings. I am sure I will be jumping through emotions in the next couple of days, but I am allowing myself to feel them all, but most of all, I am allowing myself to enjoy my babies for the next couple of days, with no other obligations or responsibilities other than them.
To a new era, xo.
Related Post: How to Have a Happy Stay-at-Home Motherhood